365.

These past 365 days of my life have been quite the rollercoaster! If you would have asked me where I would be in one year, at this time, last year.. I would have never told you I would be where I am currently.

Needless to say, the last 365 days have been some of the best, some of the worst, some of the most rewarding, and some of the most challenging days that I have faced in the 24 years of my life.

This time of the year brings a bitter/sweet feeling in my life.. but as I sit here writing this, I can not lie, I feel incredibly blessed, despite the trials and challenges that I have faced this past year, because God has strategically placed amazing people in my path. I do not know where I would be without these people. All of these people have aided in the times of celebration, endurance, and healing of this past year. I am so thankful for them! I am also thankful for the grace, forgiveness, and compassion that God has continually shown me throughout this year.

I have gone through a spiritual rollercoaster; not that I am proud of it. I wish I was writing this saying that I have followed God steadfastly over the past 365 days, but I that would be a lie. I am confident that God will only use me to help others by sharing my story. I find it crazy how strongly people can influence your walk with the Lord; especially when you profess that God is the most important thing in your life. Life is precious.. why waste it by compromising your faith and beliefs to fit into a lifestyle that is not pleasing to God?

I went through some pretty traumatic times in my life. There were times when I did not know where I was going to find the strength to face the next day. Somehow, well not somehow; poor choice in words, it was truly God who pulled me through those times, I was able to press on. It is a true living testimony to the power of prayer. I know I was being showered in prayer, and it was extremely evident! Even though I was falling from him, he swooped me up and brought me into his arms and got me through some of the hardest, most traumatic times. Sometimes God will deliberately break you down to nothing in order to get your attention! I have always believed that, but living it, well, that is a completely different story! I am so thankful for his grace and forgiveness. I have also learned that I am a lot stronger than what I ever thought I was. I have a new belief in the statement that, “God will not give you more than you can handle.”

Not only have I experienced hardships this past year, I have watched my friends go through thick and thin.. dealing with anything from addictions to relocating to uncertainty and deaths. The most awesome thing, however, is to see how God has pulled my friends through some of the most crazy, chaotic, and hardest times in their lives and has drawn them back into his arms and has showed them grace beyond belief, as he did for me.

Along with pain and suffering, comes healing. Healing, it is not an easy road. I am still walking down the tattered paths of this avenue. I have learned what it is truly like to be bitter and to struggle with forgiveness. I have learned what it is like to feel so betrayed by someone you trusted your life with. I have learned how quickly you can loose control of your life when you think you are worthy of controlling it (reality: God is the one who controls your paths, NOT YOU!) Only God knows how to work in one’s life to bring the healing that comes after a black hole in your life. But God works in a way that is completely his own, and not how you may see “conventional.” I will be the first to testify, God works in his time, in his own way, and IT WORKS!

I made a major move in my life, relocating down to South Eastern, PA. I left my wonderful family, youth group, one of my best friends, and the one of the most amazing towns in the country for a world of uncertainty.. and uncertainty it surely was! Although the process of moving was exciting; it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I did not know that I had so many tears, until I was driving down route 120 with my new life ahead of me. The move turned into being nothing that I had anticipated, but had placed me with some of the most supportive, Godly, and amazing people that I have ever met.

I now live with whom I refer to as my “second family.” I am so thankful for my “second family!” They have helped me through so much, and it is a huge understatement to say how blessed I am to have them be in my life and to have gained 3 “sisters.” They truly have been a blessing straight from God. It shows that God places just the right people in your life when you need them the most!

I am very excited to see where God will lead me next in my life.. But, I know, that whatever it is, God will take care of me. He will lead me through everything, the good and bad. God is faithful and forgiving, and he is one that I can always lean on and know that his love is unconditional! Even though life is tough sometimes and it is hard to see the good in the hard times, but I truly believe that God continually gives us “blessings in disguise.” <-- Check out the song.

Selfishness.

Selfishness.. I have been really thinking about this word and the last 23 years of my life. I have lived a completely selfish life. It may not be in a way that most people think of, but I have been conversationally selfish. What do I mean by this?

My whole life I have kept my faith to myself. I would share some about it every once in awhile, however, it was never a part of my normal conversation. I think it stems from my realization that my faith was not what defined my life, until about 6 months ago. Since then, I have struggled with the realization that talking about my faith in every day normal conversation was absent.

Why is it that we seem to keep something so important to ourselves? We might talk to others who share the same faith about what God is doing in our lives; but why not just talk about Christ in every day conversation? I have been extremely convicted by this.

I had a “light bulb” moment last night while having an awesome conversation with a friend. We were talking about how are people supposed to follow Christ if they are not predisposed to Christ; which is so true! But that is why I felt so selfish. I have kept this “secret” to myself for so long, and all along, I could have been simply talking about Christ. This is the reality that hit me: What if the simple ways that we interject Christ and our faith into everyday conversation were the little links that others were missing from not being predisposed to Christ? Are we scared of rejection? Weird looks? Not “fitting in?” Why is it so hard? Well, it shouldn’t be!

I encourage each and every one of you to please listen to when the Holy Spirit leads you into those conversations where you easily can incorporate Christ. If you don’t want to do this due to fear, then maybe the question you should be evaluating first is, “Is Christ really my EVERYTHING?” If he is, then I truly feel that we need to quit being selfish and start aiding in the piecing together of other’s walk with Christ, no matter where they are in their exploration or walk with Christ!

antichrist and REMAINING.

18Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. 19They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.20But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth.21I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. 22Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son. 23No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also.24See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. 25And this is what he promised us—even eternal life.26I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. 27As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit—just as it has taught you, remain in him.28And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.29If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him.

My pastor did a teaching on this passage today. And it was extremely eye opening. I guess I never sat down to actually read into a lot of this. I read this passage a few years ago in my bible, but the notes I took on it do not nearly reflect the impact that this teaching today had on me.

There are some important aspects of this passage that need to be looked at prior to really digging into the text as a whole. First off, it is important to give recognition to the word, “remain.” This word shows up five times. This is an obvious illustration of the importance of the meaning of this word. In Greek (the original language of the New Testament), the word “remain,” means: “to remain or abide;” it also means, “to wait for.”

Also, the word “anoint” is used four times in this passage. Anoint in the Greek context has a three step process to understand it; goes back to the word, “Christos,” meaning “the anointed one,” which is Jesus. The word “Charisma” refers to the anointing that Christ gives us, our “gift of divine grace.” Lastly, this naturally brings us to “Christianous.” Christianous refers to the actual anointed ones, living our lives as “little Christs.” The word anoint has a complex meaning behind it, but it isn’t something I never really looked into, however, the three step meaning of it really brings light to the true meaning on “anoint.” The anointing of the Holy Spirit that Jesus received at baptism is the same Holy Spirit that exists today in us when we decide to become followers of Christ! I think I could basically stop right there, and just ponder that amazing thought! However, I am going to continue..

The understanding of this passage is so awesome, and almost leaves me in tears when I reflect on the life that I live. Every day is an ongoing battle to constantly be a living sacrifice for Christ. Here goes my understanding of the passage..

We are now living in the end times. We are in the “last hour” of our time waiting for the return of Christ. It is crucial that we are in constant evaluation of where we stand in Christ. We are the bride waiting for the bridegroom to show up, not knowing at what hour or day that will happen.

There is the warning of the lowercase “a” antichrist; not the capital “A” Antichrist that is written about in Revelation. The antichrist are living among us as we speak, but what do they really look like in today’s society? How many people do we walk by and really think “they are a Christian?” We may assume this by their actions, but I think we would all be surprised if we took the time to actually find out what their foundational beliefs are, in Christ and who he really is. Because, that is what makes up our faith, right? But how many people do we tend to concentrate on their actions instead of refining certain aspects of their faith? The truth be told, we continuously disregard the conversation to find out what their faith is foundationally built on. It sucks, but if there is a part of the foundation of faith missing, then are they really saved by faith? That would classify them as a type of antichrist! I believe the other type of antichrist that we continually pass by is the people who deny Christ as the God of the earth.. and this can be done in many different ways!

We know the truth. That is why John is writing this; but if we know it, why do we need to be reminded of it? How easy is it to be persuaded into something that “seems right,” but really isn’t? It obviously was a struggle when John was writing this, and it will continually be a struggle until Christ returns. We know the truth, we know our faith, but it is so easy to just fall into little traps that are “candy coated,” and “alluring,” and never realize the detrimental outcomes they may bring. So are you just accepting the actions and statements of others, or are you digging deep to get a true understanding of the foundation of their worldview and faith?

There are a lot of debates based on the idea of “once your saved, are you always saved?” However, I think that fact is almost completely irrelevant at this point. It is going to be a debate until the day that we pass from this life; I really don’t think we will ever have a definite answer. I do NOT believe that it is wrong to debate these things, but if we would put the time and energy that we put into this debate into the effort of us living our faith out in day to day life, then we might have more of a security in the fact that we are gracefully saved through Christ. The question turns from, “Are you always saved, once saved?” into “Am I really remaining in Christ?” Back to the Greek definition of “remain,” are we focusing our energy in remaining and abiding in Christ, and waiting for his return?” Take time to reflect on your life and think about what aspects of your life you can really say you are a direct reflection of Christ and are a living example of the Holy Spirit living in you. If this is where we focus our living and how we live our lives out as a “Christianous,” then verse 28 tells us, “continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.”

My head is spinning over these ideas. Not that it is completely a whole new concept to me, but I can honestly say it is the first time I have actually sat down to dissect and study the passage in a new way. It brings a whole different meaning to the passage.

Witnessola.

Witnessola: |Seek|Humble|Love|

Watch this quick video: Witnessola

I love watching these BlueFish TV videos. I like to try to use them in my youth group whenever possible.. they are comical, however, they leave you thinking.

All I can think of when I watch this video is "how true!" How many times do we actually share something that we truly believe in and not something that we simply "know." It is easy to spit out something you have learned but do you really understand it or do you really believe it?

I have been reading through the Old Testament, which should not be a surprise to anyone who knows me, since I have a fascination with the Old Testament, and I was reading the book of Zephaniah. Zephaniah is a book about God's people in Judah who are falling from Christ. There was a point when King Josiah was ruling when they were seeking after the Lord, however, they have fallen to their old ways.. once again. They are relying on earthly things and not Christ.

Zephaniah 2:3 says:

• NIV: Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, you who do what he commands. Seek righteousness, seek humility perhaps you will be sheltered on the day of the Lord’s anger
• The Message: Seek God, all you quietly disciplined people who live by God’s justice. Seek God’s right ways. Seek a quiet and disciplined life. Perhaps you’ll be hidden on the Day of God’s anger
• Contemporary English: If you humbly obey the Lord, then come and worship him. If you do right and are humble, perhaps you will be safe on that day when the Lord turns loose his anger.

There are three things that really stick out to me in this one simple verse that I think says it all.. We must SEEK the Lord; we must come HUMBLY before the Lord; and we must do what the Lord commands: LOVE.

Okay, so what do these words really mean? Well, I looked them up..

To seek something means to:

1. To go in search or quest of
2. To try to find or discover by searching or questioning
3. To try to obtain
4. To try to attempt
5. To go to
6. To ask for; request

I started thinking, can I HONESTLY say that I am in a state of seeking the Lord? In Deuteronomy 4, it says that we will find the Lord if we seek him with all of our heart and with all of our soul. Our heart and soul are essentially what make us who we are.. so if I am not seeking him with ALL, not some, but ALL of who I am, there is a very good chance that I am not going to find him.. Just like the definition says, am I really trying to obtain, or discover who Christ is?

To be humble means:

1. Not proud or arrogant; modest
2. Having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience
3. Low in rank, importance, status, quality
4. Courteously respectful

Wow... now there is a reality check.. It is not the most natural thing in the world to allow yourself to have a feeling of "inferiority" in this world, when the culture is constantly saying it is all about "me, me, me!" We are serving the Lord of this world! He created everything in sight.. how can we NOT have a feeling of inferiority. How can Christ work in our lives if we can not humble ourselves before him and "courteously respect" him? James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their

wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

To love means:

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection
2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
3. A love affair; an intensely amorous incident
4. To need or require

I have already written in my first post about the types of love, and how important they are.. but my favorite definition of love in the dictionary is the last one.. "to need or to require.." Wow.. I am working daily on strengthening who I am in Christ as well as my relationship with Christ.. and in the past few months, I know that I have definitely started to feel, probably for the first real time in my life, that not only do I need God in my everyday life, but I require him. I do not feel right when I am not living my life with his purpose and will for my life as my motivating factor. I feel empty when I don't take time to spend time with Christ. My love for the Lord has grown so much in the past few months, and it is crazy exciting.. but he commands us to love him. Just read 1 Corinthians 13.

So, if you go back and watch the video after reading this.. I guess my question is "Do you really think God intended us to just spit out information at people to try to get them to heaven?" No! I do not think he did, not in the least bit. He has laid out these three steps for people who rejected him and wanted nothing to do with him, in order that they might find their way back to Christ be spared on the day of judgement. If he laid this out for them, I surely think it would hold true for us as well! If we seek after Christ, humble ourselves before him, and Love him, then when we have the opportunity to share Christ in simple every day ways.. we are not going to have to spit out information that is "head knowledge," but we will be equipped with a life that we can use as our testimony to share with others on who we really believe God is.. not who we are told he is.

Do you really think that God wants us to just hear things about him and just reiterate it and

tell other people? Don’t you think they will just get confused or know you are not genuine?

We must learn it ourselves! If we want to share our faith, we must take the time to invest ourselves into our own faith.. we must be able to say, “I am seeking the Lord, I am humbling myself, and I love the Lord and others!” Then sharing our faith may come a little more natural and look like we actually know what we are talking about!

הכול או כלום

All or Nothing.

I have adopted this saying as my motto. Why "All or Nothing?" Well, I feel like Christ has called me to live for him completely or not at all. Too many times, people who profess they "love Jesus.." but really, their lives do not reflect the life Jesus lived.

Here is a little bit about what I learned about the word, "love.." In the English language, we use one word for any type of love, "love." However, in the Greek language, there are three different words for different types of love,"Eros, Phileo, and Agape." I am going to focus on the two types of love, Phileo and Agape.

• Phileo is a "brotherly love" that we feel for someone. This type of love is a friendship between two people who engage in a "give and take" relationship. It is the love that makes friendships so enjoyable.
• Agape love is an unconditional love that keeps giving no matter what. It devotes total commitment to seek your highest best no matter how anyone may respond. This form of love is totally selfless and does not change whether the love given is returned or not. This is the original and only true form of love.

I guess, I am perplexed by the idea of only having one word that means "love" in the English language, because I feel like so many people say they "love Jesus," but mean it in the Phileo way. However, how many people can actually say that they have the "Agape love" for Christ that he loves us with?

In the dictionary, the word, "love" means:

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection
2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection
3. A love affair; an intensely amorous incident
4. To need or require

I love the last definition of love, "TO NEED OR REQUIRE." How many of us can say that we truly feel like we need or require God in our daily lives?

I am not meaning to sound like I have conquered this idea to have an Agape kind of love with Christ, however, I know that my heart is truly working towards it. This is where my saying "All or Nothing" comes from. I am giving all I have to work towards having an Agape love with God, and that means that I will represent Jesus to the fullest in my everyday life. I know I will mess up, but that is where my heart is..

And, this, is why I got the tattoo on my foot:

• It means, "All or Nothing" in Hebrew
• It is written in Hebrew because the Old Testament is written in Hebrew.. and this is where I have drawn this motto from, through studying in the Old Testament
• It is on my foot because I want to follow in the footsteps of Christ, and represent him to this world to my fullest potential
• It is permanent, just like my faith needs to be.. It is not something that I can live out when I feel like it.. it is a permanent faith